


The heart wants what the heart wants

by NeverKnowsBestWolf



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Getting Together, M/M, Misunderstandings, Oblivious Derek, Post-Season/Series 02, Sad Stiles
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-29
Updated: 2014-08-06
Packaged: 2018-02-10 21:28:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2040855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NeverKnowsBestWolf/pseuds/NeverKnowsBestWolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles and Derek were never an obvious thing. They were not one of those couples that everyone was rooting for and they certainly were not one of those couples who got a fairy tale romance. But Stiles was prepared to do what it took to make it work between them, he was so sure that even if Derek never said it out loud, he was too</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfic ever! I'm kinda nervous about posting it but it'll be exciting to see what kind of responce it'll get! 
> 
> It picks of a few months after the end of season 2, only there is no alpha pack making our precious pack cry so it's not season 3 compliant.
> 
> It's not beta'd so please tell me if there's any errors or misspelling and I'll fix it right away!
> 
> Enjoy! :)

Stiles and Derek were never an obvious thing. They were not one of those couples that everyone was rooting for and they certainly were not one of those couples who got a fairy tale romance. But Stiles was prepared to do what it took to make it work between them, he was so sure that even if Derek never said it out loud, he was too.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

It was Stiles who made the first move. they were arguing about something he can't even remember about when Stiles decided that he'd had enough of being too afraid to do what he wanted, to reach out for what he needed. 

He gripped the front of Dereks grey henley and went for it without even hesitating. It was soft and gentle and stiles worried for a second that maybe it had been a mistake after all but before he could open his eyes to see what kind of expression Derek had on, Derek kissed him back with more force and vigor than Stiles imagined for his first kiss but all he could think about was the fact that Derek Hale was actually kissing him and it all felt perfect. 

Stiles thought that maybe considering what Derek had gone through thanks to she who must not be named, Derek would be more inclined to take things slow with him seeing that Stiles being underage might be some kind of trigger for him. But that was not what happened at all. Stiles looses his virginity to Derek the same night of their first kiss and it all goes by so quickly. Or maybe Stiles just feels like that because he probably blacked out for a moment or two thanks to the pleasure Derek was giving him.

He wanted to hold on to Derek afterwards, sharing sleepy kisses and cuddle until sleep took over them. He even wanted to make Derek breakfast the next morning while his dad was out of town and wasn’t due to return until later in the week. 

“Whuh?” Stiles said drowsy while Derek pulled up his pants. “Where are you going? Come back here, my dad won’t be come for a few days! We can s-”

“I have to go.” Derek interrupted, looking for his shirt and finding it on the desk where Stiles had thrown it.

“What? Why? Is anyone in danger?” He asked alarmed and sitting up on the bed, ready to get dressed and help whoever was in need of it.

“No. Everyone’s fine. I just- I have some thing to do early tomorrow morning.”

Stiles relaxed immediately and went to lie down again. Derek was sitting on his desk chair, putting on his boots.

“If no one is in any danger then you should definitely stay. We’ll wake up early tomorrow, I promise!” He grinned and patted right next to him on the bed. 

“No. I have to go. Now.” Derek got up and headed towards the window. Stiles wanted to object further and convince him to stay, at least for a little while, but he never got the chance because Derek was already halfway out the window. 

“I’ll talk to you later, Stiles.” he said over his shoulder before disappearing completely. 

Stiles never thought much about what that meant, he was just happy that he finally got to have this, have Derek. Stiles fell asleep that night in an empty bed with butterflies fluttering in his stomach and a smile on his lips. 

Stiles never thought that Derek would be his boyfriend without talking about it first but he was sure that something was happening between them and he wanted to give Derek the space he needed, letting him set the pace of their relationship. He didn't know what Derek was going to say to the pack but he knew that they could smell it on them anyway so it couldn't really be keep a secret for too long.

  
  
  


-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

  
  


A couple of months in, Stiles wasn't trying to hide anything from anyone outside of the pack. He always sat next to Derek when they were together even if the rest of the pack was there and he wasn't shy about touching him freely as they watched a movie nor did they act like they weren't more than friends. Derek didn't really change much of his behavior towards Stiles but he never pushed him away, Stiles even felt like the more time they spent together, the more Derek was opening up to him. Letting him in on the memories of happy times. Derek liked to talk about Laura when they were almost at the brink of sleep. 

Scott always got this worried expression on his face whenever Stiles would say that he was going to Derek's and Stiles just brushed it of thinking that he probably was just worried about Stiles' dad finding out or something. That changed when Scott knocked on his front door one 

evening wearing a serious expression. 

"Hey buddy! What's up?" He asked as he stepped inside his living room, letting Scott shut the door after him and following Stiles. 

"Uhh, just wanted to talk to you about something so I thought I would come by, play some xbox?" 

Scott seemed kind of nervous and unsure of himself.

"Sure" Stiles answered looking intently at Scott. "I'm was gonna go to Derek's but that can wait an hour or two." 

Scott smiled softly at him and followed Stiles up his room saying hi to the Sheriff when they passed by the kitchen.

  
  


-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"What the hell, Scott?"

"I'm just- Stiles listen to me please" Scott is trying to make Stiles listen to him but all Stiles is doing is looking really pissed.

"No, Scott. I won't listen to you because what you are saying is just bullshit. Bullshit I don't have to take from you." Stiles spits out.

"Look, I'm not saying that you should break up with him or anything! I just- Stiles, you are my best friend and I'm really worried about you."

"There is nothing to worry about, Scott. We're fine, I'm fine. Why would you even say that we're not? Is it because you still don't see him as your alpha? Is that it?"

"No! Of course not! That's not it at all." 

"Then what is it?!" Stiles yells, eyes angry.

"I just want to make sure you know what you're doing. I mean, Derek isn't really so good with feelings and you have lots of them. I'm just worried you are getting in this too deep all on your own." Scott looks sad, almost like it pains him to say it like that and knowing Scott, it probably does. 

Stiles knows that Scott is just trying to be a friend but it's really hard to see it like that when your best friends tells you he thinks your boyfriend, who you love, doesn't like you as much as you thought. Stubbornness is a great wall and really hard to climb over.

"That's none of your business." Stiles says harshly, not even looking at Scott anymore just staring at the wall in front of them just above the tv.

Scott sighs and moves a little closer to Stiles where they're sitting on the floor, shoving the controllers out of the way.

"Stiles... Remember when we were ten and we stole my dads cigarettes and we got caught?"

Stiles doesn't answer, he knows what Scott is talking about but he doesn't feel like even trying to see where Scott is going with this.

"We got caught by my dad and he was so mad at us. And you, you took the blame. Saying that you peer pressured me into taking them so that I wouldn't get in trouble with him."

Stiles' anger seeped away from him and his shoulders slumped a bit.

"You said you'd rather your dad ground you for two weeks than seeing another bruise on me." Scott said softly. 

Stiles looked Scott in the eyes. "yeah well, you're my best friend, Scott. It's my job to get your ass out of trouble, a very time craving job lately I might ad." Stiles felt the last of the anger disappeared as he smiled at his friend. "But I'll always do it, Scott. even if I have to be on house arrest for two years with nothing but infomercials on TV. You know I will."

"Yeah" Scott chuckled as he ruffled Stiles hair in a familiar manner. "Yeah, and that's why I just wanted to talk to you. I just wanted you to be aware of what could happen if you're not careful. You're my bro, it's my job to look after you too, you know."

Stiles exhales a sigh some what loudly, nodding his head briefly.Scott threw an arm around his shoulders trying to recover from the fights they just had.

"Stiles, talk to me. What are you thinking?"

Stiles sighed again but he leaned a bit into Scott. 

"It's not- I know that me and Derek are not a normal couple but we work. Even if everyone else can't see it, we work together."

"And it doesn't bother you that he doesn't show you what he feels?"

"What do you mean?" Stiles frowns slightly, looking up from his lap to Scott.

"I mean, he still yells at you when we discuss pack things. And he always tells you to shut up. It just doesn't seem to me that he's as invested in this as you are."

Stiles wills away any more anger and nods. "I get what you're saying, Scott. I really do, but. This is Derek we're talking about, of course he doesn't do PDA but he talks to me, Scott okay? And I never expected him to treat me any differently on pack meetings."

Scott doesn't say anything, he just studies him and he doesn't know else there is to say without feeling like he's giving away pieces of Derek too.

Eventually Scott smiles and tightens his grips on Stiles' shoulder a bit.

"If he makes you happy and you're okay with how things are going then I'm going to back you up. No matter what. Just as long as you make sure this is the right thing for you."

"Thanks bro." Stiles feels relieved that Scott seems to understand. they pick up the forgotten controllers and continue playing their game.

  
  


-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

  
Even though he told Scott that he knew exactly what he was doing, he still mulls the nights conversation over in his head on his way to Derek. If Stiles is being completely honest with himself, it's not the first time the thought of Derek not being as invested in this as he was. It’s not something that hadn't crossed his mind, but he never lingered on that thought. Sometimes he wants Derek to say declare his love for him out loud and sometimes he’s happy with knowing something about Derek that no one got to be a part of. So Stiles just climbs out of his jeep outside of Derek's loft and runs up the stairs, putting those thoughts away.  



	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry about not updating sooner!   
> I forgot about a school paper I had to turn in so I didn't have the time to write.   
> But the second chapter is up now (obviously)!
> 
> As I said in the first chapter, I might have spelling and grammar errors (English is my third language) so let me know if there's anything I need to fix!
> 
> Enjoy :)

When Stiles announces that he's staying in Beacon Hills to work instead of going to college even though the rest of them are all going to Berkeley, he isn't surprised by the look Scott gives him. The one that says 'I hope you know what you're doing' and Stiles does know what he's doing so he just nods slightly. Stiles' dad doesn’t take it as well as Scott and the rest of the pack did. He tells Stiles to at least not turn down the full ride he got but to just put it on hold so that he can change his mind. Stiles knows that he isn't going to change his mind because even though Berkeley is just a few hours away by car, he doesn't want to leave Derek alone after Peter died for the second time. He's sure he wants to be with Derek and being away for basically four years is not an option. 

 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

 

“How can you not have seen Mean Girls? You’re almost as bad as Scott who still hasn’t seen Star wars!” Stiles wants to say that he’s outraged by the fact that Derek has no pop-culture knowledge but he’s actually pretty amused by this. Call him a sap, but he’s pretty sure that everything that makes Derek, well Derek, is like the cutest thing ever. He stares at Derek from where his sitting next to him on the couch with his feet in Derek's lap while he reads a book written by Hemingway or something.

 

“Why would I watch a movie called Mean Girls? it sounds stupid.” Derek says calmly, too calmly. Almost like he did know that such movie exist and he’s trying to hide it to prevent Stiles from teasing him even more. That’s so cute it only makes Stiles want to tease him all night just to see that pretty pink blush tint his cheeks and maybe even his ears and- See, total sap.

 

“Because it’s Mean Girls!” 

 

“It still sounds stupid.”

 

He throws up his hands as if to better get his point across even though Derek isn’t looking at him, still reading his book.

 

Derek puts his book down and gives him a look. A judgmental look.

 

“I’m very okay with the fact that I’ve never seen it.”

 

“But that movie is, like, common knowledge! It’s like not knowing what peanut butter is or that the earth orbits around the sun!”

 

“Says the person who has never seen Barry Lyndon.” He says while turning back to his book.

 

Stiles tries to look offended by that comment, Dereks obsession with that movie from like, the stone age, is so funny. Someday Stiles will tell him that he’s already seen it (he run up to his room the moment he got home and downloaded it), but for now he just plays along.

 

“Oh my God! Barry Lyndon is the most longest, boring brain melting movie of all times!” 

 

Stiles shakes his head like he doesn’t know what to do with him anymore but doesn’t miss the tiny smirk on Dereks face.

 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

 

Moving in with Derek had not been a part of his plan. It just sort of happened. When everyone else went of to college Stiles spent more and more time at Dereks. He’d forget his stuff there and eventually his clothes had their own place in Dereks drawers and his books were tucked right next to Dereks on the bookshelf. It just became natural to drive to Dereks after work so no one was really surprised when he only met his dad for lunch and breakfast a few days a week. 

 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

 

In movies the couple would be during their honeymoon phase and you’d get to see a montage of their happy, free moments. 

 

But it wasn’t like that them. 

 

They didn’t enjoy happy, lazy mornings eating breakfast. There was no kissing or hugging while cooking, they never fell asleep watching a movie, curled up against each other. 

 

Although they did have a lot of sex, there was rarely a comfortable afterglow and the only cuddling that happened between them was when their arms sneaked around the others middle while sleeping. It was more like they were two people having sex and sharing space afterwards. 

 

Stiles always hung on to the fact that Derek would talk to him about his life, about his family. That’s what he told Scott to assure him that his relationship wasn’t as messed up as Scott made it out to be. But now Stiles wouldn’t be able to look Scott in the eye and tell him that. Tell him that they in fact talked less and less now than they used to. That laughter was not common in their home. Stiles knew that he was more quiet and more angsty than he used to even when he feared for his life. He also knew that this wasn’t how it was supposed to be. He and Derek were not supposed to be like this. They were supposed to love each other.

 

Stiles being the only one doing the loving wouldn’t work out in the end. But it hurt too much to think about leaving Derek, to think about to not being able to touch him even if it was loveless on Dereks part. So he didn’t. He pushed those thoughts away and carried on with his life. 

 

His dad tried to talk to him about it once, even told him that he had taken the liberty to call the school board at Berkeley and ask them to only put of his scholarship until further notice (and they were happy to do it because apparently they really wanted Stiles there), if Stiles ever felt like he wanted to go away for a while 

 

Stiles brushed it off though, because he wasn’t even gonna think about going of to college and leaving Derek. The sheriff only sighed and gave him a hug, telling him that he hoped Stiles knew what was best for him and living his life accordingly.

 

Stiles told himself that his dad was just being a typical dad and worried about his only son just because that’s what dads do, but somewhere in the back of his brain he started to worry too. He never wanted to leave Derek but maybe his dad was right about him taking some time off from Derek and leaving for a while. Surely their love, weird as it might be, would survive a little distance.


	3. Chapter 3

The final decision was made when Derek became even more distant than before. He would wake up in the morning and barely even say a word to Stiles while eating breakfast. Then he would go out, never saying where or what for, and he would come home after dinner time and read the rest of the night. Rinse and repeat. Stiles didn’t feel comfortable enough to ask about it, and is that wasn’t a clear sign then he didn’t know what was. 

He felt like they hadn’t had a normal conversation in weeks, Derek never asked Stiles how his day was. He didn’t even notice that Stiles got sick and had a fever for three days. It was like living with a stranger, it made Stiles wonder if that’s what it was like to have a college roommate you didn’t like. Except that Stiles did like Derek, loved him even, and it made everything hurt even more.

One day he had enough of it but he still didn’t bring it up with Derek, he wanted to be calm and reasonable when he talked to Derek about i. Instead, he decided to surprise his dad with lunch at work. Maybe his dad could help him figure out what to do, maybe Stiles was just overreacting. Sometimes it felt like his love for Derek made him crazy, and not always in a good way. 

 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

 

“Surprise!” Stiles said when he walked into his dads office with veggieburgers and a healthy salad. He might not live with him anymore but his dads health was still heavily monitored by Stiles.

“Stiles, what a big not surprise.” John said rolling his eyes. He closed the file in front on him while swatting Stiles grabby hands away and stacked it on top of the tiny mountain in the corner of his desk.

Stiles gave him a fake pout and puppy eyes but gave up quickly when he realized his dad wasn’t going to give in. He handed his dad his lunch and sat down on the chair on the other side of is desk.

They ate in silence for a few minutes until Stiles could hold it anymore. 

“I’m leaving Derek.”

He had planned to bring it up gently but then again, he had also planned to go away for college and later to never leave Derek so he can’t really say he’s the kind of person who sticks to his plans. So of course that meant almost yelling at his dad in his haste to get to words out.

His dad stopped mid chew in shock and then swallowed slowly.

“Are you serious, son?” 

Stiles nodded, not looking up from his salad. 

“I mean…” He started but he didn’t know how to explain what he was thinking, what he felt. “I mean like I’m breaking up with him. I’m just, I don’t know, taking a break?” He finished. 

“Son, I don’t think you should do that.”

That made Stiles look up. He was so sure his dad was going support his decision, his dad was never a big fan of his relationship with Derek.

John gave him a look of concern and moved to sit in the chair next to his.

“Stiles, what makes you think taking a break is going to help the situation?”

“I just don’t know what else to do anymore” Stiles tried to keep the tears away but it was just too hard. It was too hard to love Derek and it was too hard to leave him. 

“Oh, Son.” John wrapped his arms around Stiles and held him through his tears. Stiles didn’t want to cry but he couldn’t keep it in anymore.

“I love him so much!” Stiles choked out between sobs. “I love him but he doesn’t love me back and I don’t know what to do.”  
John hugged him until he had calmed down enough, lunch long forgotten, and he held his hand and stroked his hand through his hair.

“Tell me what happened, tell me everything.”

And Stiles did.

He told him everything. All of the things he never said to anyone in fear of being slapped in the face with reality, in fear of admitting to himself that maybe Derek never loved him, maybe Derek would never be able to love him no matter how hard he tried.

 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

 

Later that day Stiles returned home sadder than he had felt in a long time but sure of what he was doing. He still didn’t want to leave Derek but telling his dad all about it made him realize that it was time. If not for himself then for Derek, because even though he felt in his heart that Derek might be it for him, it wasn’t enough. He would never be enough.


End file.
